This is a very personal post written to answer those who have asked why I am now wearing my clerical shirts again after years of avoiding them like the plague!
When I left Theological College I wore my collar proudly everywhere; in Church, out of Church, shopping at ASDA, even at home doing the washing up!
Sometime in 1998 after that first year I stopped wearing them unless I was leading worship service or funerals & weddings, partly because it was expected of me I guess.
I had grown quite tired of the way the collar made me feel around other people, & particularly with people who had no contact with Church. The collar seemed to make some people nervous & stop me from being able to interact with them. Given that I felt called to work beyond the Church not just within it that was a huge problem.
One group of people accused me of not wearing my clerical shirts because I was ashamed of God & doubted my calling which really hurt.
Though my faith is very different to to when I entered the ministry I have never been ashamed of God.
I have always been immensely proud of being a one of Mr Wesley's preachers, & always felt called to be a Minister of Sacrament & Word. The collar though felt more & more like a barrier to doing that & being relevant in this generation.
Sometime around 2003 I stopped wearing my clerical collar completely. I guess because the Church, Schools etc were used to me working without a collar no one seemed to notice, & very very few people asked me about it.
I felt a lot more comfortable & I think I was more effective in communicating with those on the fringes of Church because I was just like them. I didnt have that ring of confidence, & people seemed to treat me as one of them instead of being different.
But quite a few in senior positions in the Church especially in one appointment have made taking the collar off a big issue & there has been a big personal & professional cost for me & the family to bear.
That said I wouldnt do anything different at all. I took the collar out because I felt led by the Spirit of God to do so.
This last year, most of it spent off sick because of my back, I have reflected long & hard again & when I returned to work in May I felt led to do so wearing my collar, & it has felt really right to do so. I feel completely at ease with the decision even though I still think the collar is at times a barrier & when I need to I will take the collar out.
That little bit of plastic does open doors too though, & I always said I would do as I felt led & all this time later the collar is back; I have come almost full circle, perhaps if I hadnt got so much abuse in another place I would have done so earlier!
